We all want to understand people, especially close ones. But every human is different, with their own life views. Building-up light and clear relationships with people around is possible only if you’re ready to work hard. A negative behavior is what interferes with our pleasant communication with other humans.
There are three kinds of a negative behavior, determined by the psychologist named Sue Bishop (except of the “confident” or “assertive” one).
They are: passive, aggressive and manipulative behavior types. Every type has some basic action set, which sometimes allow to get what is wanted, but they destroy any communication totally.
Negative Behavior: Aggression
Aggressive behavior appears every time when a person takes a role of the pursuer. Then they act in the next ways:
- Intimidation and threating. There is nothing about honest and open relationships in this case. Other person will retreat; or will take the call and answer aggressively, too.
- Anger and swearing, which are never going to seek for solutions. The opponent only starts feeling oppression or irritation. There is no way to talk about understanding, is it? If you notice you sometimes shout on people around, it is time to learn how to control your anger.
- Derogative speech is used by some people, too. Though, the real sense of such words can be covered, and only thin feelings of another person might help to notice and destroy them.
- Forgiving talks. Passages about women’s logic or men’s pride are not what helps to strengthen up relationships. Any “shortcuts” lead the other person to an indignation or resentment. Standing aside is what can be the best for them.
- Mentioning mistakes of the past. This doesn’t help to deal with actual troubles, they only “tune up” others against you.
- The position of dominance, the habit to interpret and to analyze your close people’s behavior. This is what strongly irritates and insults people. Even the most outstanding psychologists and psychoanalysts spared their relatives.
- Demands and ultimatums are even more of a bad move. They are what can cause rage and protests. Plus, think: do you need to build-up quality relationships, or to make the other person do something? You can make them… but what would be their feelings and for how long they’re going to have contacts with you after that?
Negative Behavior: Passiveness
This kind of a negative behavior can show-up in many different ways, including the demonstrative one. For instance, if you like to suddenly interrupt the dialogue and to ignore your companion, there’s a reason to think WHY you need that.
Additionally, this kind of behavior can be called as a passive aggression, too. It looks like you refuse communication, but this refusal is also a punishment for your companion.
Do you actually want to punish them, or maybe solving some mutual questions is more important? At any case, unsolved problems are being gathered because of such tactics. And then hostility and dissatisfaction appear in your relationships.
Sometimes, when touching the unpleasant topic, people can move to other, neutral ones. This might help you to avoid negative emotions, but it certainly won’t lead to a solution.
Nagging is what won’t help communication at all, for sure. In that case the problem won’t be solved, and there is no satisfaction from such a relationship.
Negative Behavior: Manipulating
Manipulating means behavior aiming to make a partner do something they don’t want to. Manipulating can be of different shapes: crying, cheating, using weak features of character, trying to call up a guilt feeling.
It is important here to remember, that nobody can make you feel negative. You are the one who is in response for your mind, thoughts and emotions.